Holy shit. Tracy's a fucking idiot. just incase you didn't already know that. so since i'm being harassed by alana so fucking much i'll write about my date from yesterday after temple, but first, i have to tell you what happened before we went out.
after services on friday nights, there's something called an oneg. it's basically when they bless the wine and challah bread and then everyone talks and blah blah. so, i was with my friend judy. i call her my jewish mommy. she told me she was going to leave, and i told her that i didn't want to go out with nicho. people kept coming up to me at that point because they had noticed that i was sitting with a boy that no one knew. i started freaking CRYING! fucking dumbass. i was basically pleading with judy that she not leave me and told her i wanted to go home. the next thing i knew, the freaking rabbi was standing next to me. i was holding a paper in front of my face because judy started to make a big deal and everyone was sort of laughing at me in the... oh i remember those days... kind of way. well then i started seriously crying and the rabbi said... is this about... and before he could say anything judy says YES.
well judy sort of likes to make a big deal out of everything and she was like... stop being a baby and go out! well the rabbi saw that i was really crying, and he asked if i was seriously afraid to go. i shook my head yes. by this point he had his hand on my back in the concerned father-ish type of way, and i thought, oh shit. now he's going to know i'm a freak. you know when some one notices "oh, there's more to this person than i thought. maybe i can help" especially when it's a rabbi or bishop or whatever. and the last thing you want is for some one you respect to know you're crazy. anyway, the rabbi asked me if i was afraid he was going to hurt me. and i told him i've just had bad experiences in the past. judy doesn't know about any of the not so good things that have happened in the past year with the male species. and now, like a fucking dumbass, i open myself up to some one i really didn't want to know i'm retarded. of course, i guess i'm glad i didn't say that to judy. anyway... so by this time rabbi moskowitz is hugging me and judy is telling me i'm a baby. if she only knew. but yeah, so then i ran into the bathroom so i could fix my make up. i sucked it up and just told the rabbi i wanted to talk to him sometime next week.
then i left with nicho.
so that's just pre date. i seriously didn't think it would be like that. i mean, i didn't think it'd be hard to go out. i haven't really been scared like that since stuff. you know? sometimes i forget about last year. and that's nice. :D not gonna lie. but let me tell you, i got a sorta weird vibe from nicho. not that i was afraid he was going to do anything... but he definitely sort of reminded me of the devil. and by the devil i mean jared. ha ha. not in the scary way, but the i-know-i-look-good sort of way. i don't know, i guess i just didn't really click with him. we walked down second street and went to this cafe called the library. i saw one of the most anorexic girls i'd seen out here since getting back. i felt really bad for her. at the same time, i got a small twinge of that i'm jealous sort of thing, but believe me, it didn't last. it was actually sort of neat to be able to thing, wow, that girl is hurting, and i'm glad i'm not at the place anymore.
so after the cafe, we went back to my car and i drove us around for a while. i didn't want to be parked for fear of stupid fears i have. anyway, yeah, i sort of think he thinks he's prettier than he really is. i mean, he's nice looking, i'm not going to lie. but the way he was talking about how he wishes people could see more than his looks, it made him a lot less attractive. that and he told me he was jealous of me because i wasn't very experienced in the relationship department. i know i guess he sort of meant it as a compliment, but it just sounded like a stupid thing to say. anyway, we stayed out till 3 just talking. no i didn't kiss him. and that was because he had bad breath. and let's be honest, i sort of was looking forward to the kissing part. and i could tell he was too. :D ha. shows i was in control. and that's how it's meant to be baby. oh yeah, and he had this weird thing with feet. ew.
so, maybe i wont marry nicho. oh well. it just kind of sucks because now going to temple is going to be a little awkward. and it's my favorite place to be. that and probably the fact that i'm pretty sure nicho thinks i'm into him, even though that's not the case. uh. so yeah. it wasn't a disaster. but now i have an appt to meet with the rabbi next week, but i wrote him an email today apologizing for being stupid and telling him not to worry about meeting with me because i'm just a dumbass. only not in those words. i feel so stupid. whatev. nothing new.
on a lighter note... JUNO COMES OUT ON VIDEO ON APRIL 15th! I'm so excited. for rizzle. i'm going to buy it as soon as we receive it. which is before YOU are going to be able to buy it. i love working at bbv.
anywho, it's late and i have a report i need to start that's due on tuesday that i'm probably still not going to start till monday night. i love procrastination. not
3 comments:
whatevs. you aren't stupid. but judy sounds stupid for making you feel stupid! STUPID! haha well i'm proud of you for going and seeing that things could work out just fine, even if you don't end up marrying the boy. boys are dumb. throw rocks at them. thanks for the update that i had to harass you to get! its just cuz i lurv you! :) i still you should definitely still go to temple though because its not about him, its about how you feel when you go and he has nothing to do with that!
I totally forgot about that Post It, and that it was the most amazing gift you had ever received. Go me.
You're not a baby. And way to find out that Nicho isn't marriage material before you eloped with him in Vegas - that would've been much, much worse, what with the divorce and inevitable relapse, etc. You're probably much cooler single anyway.
Oh, and PS We already own Juno on DVD because my bro-in-law illegally downloaded it off the internet. It's looks exactly as if it were a legitimate one...And now I can watch Juno whenever my malnourished heart desires, which, is like, ALWAYS.
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