yeah, i just feel blah. no reason. i think i'm too tired. i'm thinking maybe i'll ditch school tomorrow. i finally did that freaking paper on a dr. from history. i picked dr. leo kanner. he named the syndrom of autism. so i don't really have anything to do. there's no tests tomorrow, and i told rabbi moskowitz i wanted to talk to him. tell me what i should do here... i think i explained in the last post that i started crying before going out with nicho and rabbi moskowitz saw me and put his arm around me. well i told him that i've had bad experiences in the past and then i told him i wanted to talk to him. so he took out his planner and said he'd talk to me tomorrow at 10am. well, now i don't really want to talk to him about that. you know how when the moment is past and you're kind of like... never mind it's all good now... that's what i feel like. i emailed him and said he didn't have to talk with me, but i just feel like a freak now. do you think i should go? i'd have to skip school anyway. but what happens if i sit down and then just don't start talking. or say something stupid to try to change the subject. i feel like a dumbass. whatever. nothing new. ha ha.
so i got a text from nicho last night. he said he was out of his element on friday and he's not use to not eating all day. appearently he hadn't eaten all day. i kind of found that funny. anyway... he said he wanted to see me again. i suppose i could, but it seems sort of awkward. something about friday just was a turnoff. i think he just wants to get some. why do guys get the impression i'm like that? because i'm NOT. whatev. i don't know. i think i'm just freaking tired and i REALLY don't want to go to work. at least after today i have 4 days off in a row. YEAAAA YAH!!! i miss having friends. burp. tired. tired. tired. oh and sometime soon i want to make a list. i'm not sure what kind of list, something random, and put it up on my page. i'll work on it tonight at work. ha ha. blah. i should go now. poop. anyway, should i see the rabbi tomorrow? TELL ME!!!
trace.
3 comments:
sure, go see rabbi manischewitz! he is your rabbi after all and you didn't do anything wrong! its understandable that you feel embarassed, but he's someone that you can trust and someone who won't ever use that information against you. you're not messed up, you're just a REAL person, that's all! i'm sure he'll be relieved to hear you talk about things and your progress with them because let's be honest, if you suddenly had a break down and just said you've had "bad experiences," he may think you're currently being abused or something. set the record straight so you don't have it looming over your head, and then be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and not being ashamed of the things you've overcome! i sure am proud of you! i love you lots and lots and lots! :)
You should definately go see the rabbi. I completely agree with everything that Alana said. Go let him know where you have been and how far you have come. You are such an amazing person and you should give him a taste of the real you! I miss you Trace and I am sorry that you are feeling blah....4 days off sure will feel good though!
Love Always,
Whit
I think you should only talk to Rabbi Manwich if you really want to. Don't just talk about that stuff if you don't want to, but feel like you have to now since you've already made the appt, you know? And Nicho...hell, everyone deserves a second chance. I know that I'm "not myself" when I don't eat all day, hahaha burp poop. Loves you Trace!
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