not so happily happy

I'm not really sure why, but I'm sort of in a sad mood. I went to temple this morning because I worked last night and obviously couldn't go then. But I've been thinking of Justin non stop. And I know I'm stupid and crazy or whatever, but I miss him. NO, I haven't heard from him, but to his defense, I'm sure he's just too sad to contact me. He's in love. I'm sure of it.

On a not really happier, but different note, I smell like weed right now because my brother is out back smoking and I'm upstairs in the computer room and the window is wide open. I don't care what people say, it does NOT smell good.

So, for some unknown reason, my dad doesn't want me to have a car. That's not really what he says, but I'm convinced that's what he means to say. So lucky me, I get to walk 2 miles to work, in about 45 minutes. Let's be honest, I don't really mind it, because I don't exactly mind exerting energy and potentially losing weight or gaining muscle or whatever you want to call it, but I really just don't want to go to work. Working Friday, Saturday and Sunday night isn't exactly my idea of a chill weekend, but money is money. And when you don't have any, you'll waist your weekend easily for some nice cash. Although, it's not like I had anything to do anyway.

Is it weird that I'm slightly jealous that my dog is downstairs with my stinky brother instead of up here with me?

I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I have a lot going on in my head. I had another dream about Justin. I swear I don't stalk him. I even totally ignored the urge to drive by his house this morning. I mean, yes, he isn't there, but his truck is. And I have nice memories of that truck. Anyway, so see, I'm not that crazy. But in my dream, he told me he checks his phone every day to see if I called. I know this isn't true because t mobile doesn't work in New Zealand, and I've checked. It's off.

Recent events have caused me to once again question my worth. I don't mean to be all self-pittyish, but it's just ironic how it's widely known that people aren't perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. But I guess I'm just an aweful waist of woman.

I think it's funny that I just called myself a woman.

Maybe I should run to work.

I have to go potty.

That felt good. :D

I like to imagine it snowing in Utah right now, while it's fabulously warm out. It makes me feel like I have an advantage over you Utes.

HA! I win. Maggie just came upstairs because she realized boys are stinky.

Well, I guess I should stop and get ready for work. Poop.

finally

It's been way too long since I've done a new post. While a lot has been happening, there's really nothing to say. Although I did give blood for the first time. I've always wanted to donate blood, but unfortunately, being underweight isn't really something they look for in a donor. But luckily, that's not the case anymore. So yay for gaining weight. I potentially saved three lives with one pint of my precious blood. And I must say I'm quite proud of my beautiful veins. I filled my bag in 5 minutes! booyah! There was an annoying guy there giving blood and his took over 20 minutes. I knew all those years of getting labs taken would pay off. My veins are use to giving.

I spent the night at my dad's house for the first time since I actually left for Utah. The only reason he invited me was because Lynn was out of town, but still, it was nice to be with my dad. I rented the Notebook for him. For some reason her really wanted to see it, but how am I to disagree, it's definately worth my last free rental for the week. My dad usually cries like a baby to country songs, so movies are a freaking awesome sight. He's cute, but I usually laugh at him. Well, for some really weird reason, by the end I was freaking balling. I don't cry at movies. And all of a sudden I'm freaking sobbing. I guess I felt bad about all the time I haven't spent with my dad. My dad is simple and he pisses me off, but he's trying as hard as he can to just be. You know what I mean? I don't know, maybe I'm just a bitch. Ok, let's be honest. I AM a bitch, but still. I guess I miss the days when life was simple. I just miss my daddy I guess.

Oh and just so you know, last Sunday was my two year anniversary from the day I left for CFC. Yay for recovery.

it's freaking hot

just so all of you from utah know. i'm not sure how long i can take it without going down to the BEACH!!!!!

curse not having a car and work. because i don't have a car and i have work tonight. so not fair.

poop. i also have a test tomorrow. damn beach weather.

"did you hit some one with the privia?"

No DAMNIT!! I hit some one with my freaking Corolla! Seriously, does it all have to happen at once? Whatev. You know what I love though? I take out my camera phone to take a picture, not for the insurance, but because I knew I'd want to upload it onto my blog. You know you're pathetic when the first thing you think of is your blog during life's most trying events. Alana was the first person besides my mom to find out. I figured she'd help me out. She's had major experience. She's the Collision Queen. Thanks Billy.

So, the cop was super nice. He said he was going to arrest me because I was originally from Utah. I told him I was from Ca, and then I just ended up telling him why I was in Utah. Let me tell you, pitty is a blessing from God. He totally felt bad for me and said he had family that had an eating disorder. He did site me for the crash, or the fact that my place are expired. Yeah. Since Feb. Ha ha. Plus he said by the looks of the skid marks, I was already breaking and only going about 20 mph. I'm not sure if that's true, but I'm not going to argue with the man. So, now I'm just at home, deciding whether or not I should walk to Wallgreens to pick up some coffee heathbar crunch and watch Juno for the 17millionth time this week.

I just got a call from my insurance company. And it's what I thought. I only had liability, not full coverage. Shitface. Oh well. So ice cream and a move anyone?

"Maybe they'll like Cannonize me for being so selfless." -Juno

"Or maybe like totally shit, and be really, really mad!" -Leah

crappity crap

how can some one be so freaking amazing and yet, be so far from where he should be? ha ha i'm kidding. i'm seriously not that obsessed, crazy status. but still.

so, i can pretty much recite the entire juno movie. not that that's something to brag about. i saw my aunt today. i haven't seen her in a while. but she brought up a very interesting point. i have an uncle. well, i have 6 uncles, but one in particular happens to be a dive master and always is visiting exotic countries so he can go scuba diving. she told me that i should get him to take me to new zealand because he would totally pay for everything. how aweful is that that i totally want to use him so i can go and visit a boy. whatev. i never got to have my rebellious, selfish bitchy teenager stage. why not now? the sad thing is, i bet justin totally already forgot who i am. who cares. i want to go to new zealand regardless.

my head hurts. i got back my tax return from the state of utah. 250 bucks baby. i would've gotten more back but i was too scared to contact heather ash. i've come to the conclusion that i'm bored. with my life. school is whatever. i mean i like the fact that pretty soon i'm going to get to poke people with needles, and get free self harm from some other stupid ma, but there has to be more to life. i've decided i want to go to africa and go on a safari. all i need is to win the lottery. hey, i won $8 the other day. that's closer, right? i hate this. bordom is a bitch. and i have gas. don't you wish we convert our gas to gasoline for cars? it'd be so much cheaper. and i'd get to live off of bbq beans and cheese cake.

he's gone.

so, justin is probably on a plain right now flying to new zealand. i'm so sad. i almost wonder if it would've been better if i hadn't met him. ok, no that's definately not what i wish. just watch, someday i'm gonna be married to him. you laugh. but just watch. i'm already working on getting my passport. anyone for a new zealand trip in the not too distant future?

today i got certified for cpr. can i just tell you that that class was a load of shit. any class where they give you a cheat sheet and review the test right before you take it is really sad. let's just say that if i needed it, i'd rather not be resuscitated than have one of the students in that class slap an AED on me. regardless, i have a cpr card.

I start injections next week in my class. all this shit i was looking forward to isn't as exciting as it was before i met my future husband. i totally hope he never sees this. how freaking psycho do i sound. whatev.

my mom pissed me off tonight. i asked her to come to temple with me. it was my mom, judy and me, and they both ganged up on me trying to shuve brownies in my face. ok, i'm doing well. i made the mistake of telling them i accidentally lost like 5 pounds and shit. and i know it sounds stupid, but i really didn't mean to. i've just been all upset lately and you know how it's really hard to swallow when you're sad or anxious. plus i was just on my period, and let's not get into that. anyway, fuck. now judy keeps inviting her to shit. and i don't want to go. fuck that. i should just move to new zealand. ha ha. jk.

ps alana, don't you dare text my mom anything about this. i'll shoot you. thanks.

the boy

holy shit i think i'm in love. not only is he the nicest smelling guy in california, he's also an awesome person! he's spent the last 6 months in africa getting a well built for a village that had no clean water. i've spent the last few days with him and i can't believe him. did i mention he's one of the best kissers in california too?

down side to mr. perfect? ofcourse there has to be, right? i mean, there always has to be some sort of catch. well, there's definately a catch here. justin is moving to new zealand. next week. god freaking damn! i swear to all that is holy that i'm going to marry this man someday. but are you freaking kidding me? new zealand? first of all, i've always wanted to go there. but then... why that hell is he going now? couldn't he wait a few weeks? i could totally pull a mormon and get married in a few weeks, but a few days... even paul harper wouldn't go for that. and his prediction was that i'd be married within the next year. got to love that guy, but honestly. so i guess i'm just going to spend as much time with him as i can before he leaves. shit... he's freaking perfect! and he TOTALLY got it when i busted out a line from nacho libre. we're meant to be. i just know it. well. that's life i guess.

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