ok, ok, ok

geez, sorry i don't update fast enough for the 3 people that actually want to hear what i'm doing with my life. well, i'm sorry to disappoint, but i really don't have much to say. i was promoted to manager at work. if i died today, i'd be satisfied knowing that i died a blockbuster manager.

so pretty much i work. a lot. and when i'm not working, i'm taking long naps. sometimes i get a little high. other than that, life's pretty much the same. oh, i'm doing well with the whole eating thing. i have an ass now. and i like it. uh... i look super hot in my bbv uniform. that was a joke for those of you who may not be familiar with my humor. i'm still a jew. and you're jealous. i've been to the beach a lot lately. but it'd be better if i had some one to go with.... hint. as in you all need to come out here. like now.

whit came, as most of you probably know. she's going to rader in oxnard, so we spent a little time together before i took her. the last i heard she was handcuffed to a rail. i'm not sure if that was a joke or not. but let's be honest. it made me happy to imagine a treatment center handcuffing a pt to a rail as punishment.

well, i think it might be close to my nap time. i don't work today. and that makes me not as cranky as usual. i have inventory tomorrow and wednesday, then i have thursday and friday off. so yay. maybe i wont be as big of a bitch as usual. but i guess we can only hope.

ehhhh

my back hurts like a freaking mother. it's one of those things that's a reminder i was a dancer once and now my joints have started freezing and telling me, "that's what you get for just stopping!" whatev. but ouch.

so, i've finally conviced my teacher that i'm capable of doing an externship for my MA course. long story short, she saw my arms... blah blah blah, old scars whatev. you know the drill. so, tomorrow i have to go to the site i'll be working at and get drug tested. fun stuff. and no, i have nothing to worry about. unless effexor comes up positive for crack, i'm good. so i should be starting next week. four months of full time work with no pay. love it.

life's been crazy, too much work, not enough money, and horrendous menstrual cramps. yesterday i spent the entire day in bed, crying in agony. it was the first time i've thrown up involuntarily in years. i don't usually get that sick, but fuck woman hood. i swear i should've given birth because at least i'd have something to show for the pain. but people that don't get those kind of cramps don't believe they exist. so fuck all of you who have a happy period. :D

summer is definately here in ca, however i have no car and haven't been to the beach since before utah. bastards! you'd think my friends would be happy to take me, but it's sort of like my utah friends that promised to take me sledding and never did. yeah thanks guys. but seriously, i need the beach. it's not a want, but a NEED.

well, i think i might be in a bad mood. maybe it has something to do with the fact that today's my day off and i was called in to work. i haven't said yes yet, but the part that makes me pissed is that i have nothing else to do so i'll probably end up going. so i think i'm going to go try to find something to do so i can decline. peace out hommies. i miss you way too much.

worst blogger ever

So I guess I'm pretty much the only person on earth that can't keep up a blog. Alright, we all know that isn't true. But I've been so busy I haven't had time to go on the computer. There's so much that's happened lately, I really don't want to get into it because I have to leave in a half hour to go meet with Rabbi Moskowitz. So.. let me try to some it up.

TRACY'S LIST OF HAPPENINGS

~finished school
~told by teacher that since I have marks on my arms, (from previous cutting habbits) perhaps I should do an externship for my medical assisting course since it is a "psychological" issue

Shit guys, I just got a call from my ride and I have to leave like right now. Bitches. Ok, but quickly, last night was my first night working as a shift manager! YEAH! That means I get paid a whole dollar more. $9.75 man I'm really rolling in the dough now. Stupid. Anyway, I swear I'll write sooner. Not that any of you will read this seeing as I haven't written in so long. But I'm doing well and all that shit. Life sucks still, just without eating issues. :D

not so happily happy

I'm not really sure why, but I'm sort of in a sad mood. I went to temple this morning because I worked last night and obviously couldn't go then. But I've been thinking of Justin non stop. And I know I'm stupid and crazy or whatever, but I miss him. NO, I haven't heard from him, but to his defense, I'm sure he's just too sad to contact me. He's in love. I'm sure of it.

On a not really happier, but different note, I smell like weed right now because my brother is out back smoking and I'm upstairs in the computer room and the window is wide open. I don't care what people say, it does NOT smell good.

So, for some unknown reason, my dad doesn't want me to have a car. That's not really what he says, but I'm convinced that's what he means to say. So lucky me, I get to walk 2 miles to work, in about 45 minutes. Let's be honest, I don't really mind it, because I don't exactly mind exerting energy and potentially losing weight or gaining muscle or whatever you want to call it, but I really just don't want to go to work. Working Friday, Saturday and Sunday night isn't exactly my idea of a chill weekend, but money is money. And when you don't have any, you'll waist your weekend easily for some nice cash. Although, it's not like I had anything to do anyway.

Is it weird that I'm slightly jealous that my dog is downstairs with my stinky brother instead of up here with me?

I've come to the conclusion that perhaps I have a lot going on in my head. I had another dream about Justin. I swear I don't stalk him. I even totally ignored the urge to drive by his house this morning. I mean, yes, he isn't there, but his truck is. And I have nice memories of that truck. Anyway, so see, I'm not that crazy. But in my dream, he told me he checks his phone every day to see if I called. I know this isn't true because t mobile doesn't work in New Zealand, and I've checked. It's off.

Recent events have caused me to once again question my worth. I don't mean to be all self-pittyish, but it's just ironic how it's widely known that people aren't perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. But I guess I'm just an aweful waist of woman.

I think it's funny that I just called myself a woman.

Maybe I should run to work.

I have to go potty.

That felt good. :D

I like to imagine it snowing in Utah right now, while it's fabulously warm out. It makes me feel like I have an advantage over you Utes.

HA! I win. Maggie just came upstairs because she realized boys are stinky.

Well, I guess I should stop and get ready for work. Poop.

finally

It's been way too long since I've done a new post. While a lot has been happening, there's really nothing to say. Although I did give blood for the first time. I've always wanted to donate blood, but unfortunately, being underweight isn't really something they look for in a donor. But luckily, that's not the case anymore. So yay for gaining weight. I potentially saved three lives with one pint of my precious blood. And I must say I'm quite proud of my beautiful veins. I filled my bag in 5 minutes! booyah! There was an annoying guy there giving blood and his took over 20 minutes. I knew all those years of getting labs taken would pay off. My veins are use to giving.

I spent the night at my dad's house for the first time since I actually left for Utah. The only reason he invited me was because Lynn was out of town, but still, it was nice to be with my dad. I rented the Notebook for him. For some reason her really wanted to see it, but how am I to disagree, it's definately worth my last free rental for the week. My dad usually cries like a baby to country songs, so movies are a freaking awesome sight. He's cute, but I usually laugh at him. Well, for some really weird reason, by the end I was freaking balling. I don't cry at movies. And all of a sudden I'm freaking sobbing. I guess I felt bad about all the time I haven't spent with my dad. My dad is simple and he pisses me off, but he's trying as hard as he can to just be. You know what I mean? I don't know, maybe I'm just a bitch. Ok, let's be honest. I AM a bitch, but still. I guess I miss the days when life was simple. I just miss my daddy I guess.

Oh and just so you know, last Sunday was my two year anniversary from the day I left for CFC. Yay for recovery.

it's freaking hot

just so all of you from utah know. i'm not sure how long i can take it without going down to the BEACH!!!!!

curse not having a car and work. because i don't have a car and i have work tonight. so not fair.

poop. i also have a test tomorrow. damn beach weather.

"did you hit some one with the privia?"

No DAMNIT!! I hit some one with my freaking Corolla! Seriously, does it all have to happen at once? Whatev. You know what I love though? I take out my camera phone to take a picture, not for the insurance, but because I knew I'd want to upload it onto my blog. You know you're pathetic when the first thing you think of is your blog during life's most trying events. Alana was the first person besides my mom to find out. I figured she'd help me out. She's had major experience. She's the Collision Queen. Thanks Billy.

So, the cop was super nice. He said he was going to arrest me because I was originally from Utah. I told him I was from Ca, and then I just ended up telling him why I was in Utah. Let me tell you, pitty is a blessing from God. He totally felt bad for me and said he had family that had an eating disorder. He did site me for the crash, or the fact that my place are expired. Yeah. Since Feb. Ha ha. Plus he said by the looks of the skid marks, I was already breaking and only going about 20 mph. I'm not sure if that's true, but I'm not going to argue with the man. So, now I'm just at home, deciding whether or not I should walk to Wallgreens to pick up some coffee heathbar crunch and watch Juno for the 17millionth time this week.

I just got a call from my insurance company. And it's what I thought. I only had liability, not full coverage. Shitface. Oh well. So ice cream and a move anyone?

"Maybe they'll like Cannonize me for being so selfless." -Juno

"Or maybe like totally shit, and be really, really mad!" -Leah